14 Weeks!

I cannot believe I am 14 weeks 4 days pregnant! This has been the most wonderful summer of my life. On some days I feel like the pregnancy is blowing by, but then on some days I'm like 25 more weeks... hurry up...I want to meet this baby of mine! Each day I have a new thought, feeling, etc. I think about the baby constantly. I feel like my mind is mush. I ran into a curb the other day with my car (I didn't tell Greg) I was thinking about this baby of mine, and turned a little too tight. I ramble on and on about stuff and then stop myself and think, "what did I just say". I dream about the baby. Baby thoughts are constant. When I go for my walks, I think of the baby the whole time. I catch myself crying on the path. I quickly try to get a grip, and hope no one notices my tears. If they do I will just say "I'm pregnant and oh, so happy!"

I don't know if any of you realize this, but I had pretty much convinced myself parenthood wasn't in the cards for me. We had met the requirements for China, got in line, and waited. The wait for China was not what we had signed up for. I'm 99% sure had we known it would take this long we would have picked another country or Domestic adoption. Despite going to the OB and him telling me "I think we can get you pregnant", I just didn't believe it. I was afraid to believe it. What if I believed him and then this didn't happen either. In April, when Heather had Addy, I watched her delivery. Maybe, it wasn't the smartest thing I've done, because quite honestly, the whole thing broke my heart. I wanted a baby. I was mad at the world. I couldn't believe how unfair life was.

In May, I called Greg home from work. I have never done this. His job is much too busy and making calls to come home, is just not something I do. But I just KNEW this was the day I was going to get pregnant. Greg thought I was crazy, but being the man he is, he kindly obliged. That is the week I got pregnant! God led me to call Greg and I am so happy He did. What a miracle. People used to always tell me "God's timing is always perfect". When they said it, it irritated me. I thought "easy for you to say...you have a child". But I will tell you this...I believe this statement wholeheartedly now, God's timing is always perfect. And I wouldn't want this joy, excitment, love of my life, any other time or any other way. I was meant to carry this baby and have this overwhelming joy that sometimes takes my breath away.


Until next week,

Alicia